Memoirs of my boulevard

I used to think that love was a partnership A 50-50 alley way Until i was drained and my eyes opened I was naive to think that I could be loved My cup ran dry I hoped you would fill me up Only to realise that you also wanted to break my cup I had nothing to give anymore And even still you chose everything else And even still you chose everyone else It was hard being left out in the cold I feel blinded, I can’t find my way

It’s like something wants to come up, Like a volcano that’s ready to erupt, Everything that’s been sunk and saturated full, It’s getting ready to finally burst my soul, I didn’t want to shut it all up, My brain was a sponge at every turn, I tried so hard to pull it out with my strength, But I underestimated the length of my pain, I feel myself circling the truth narrowing in on the target spitting and spewing excuses like darts ruining a blameless wall until…..bullseye! I've never been good enough…

There is an emptiness that stems from recognizing the impossibility of being part of someone else’s internal world, of having your own personal urges exist outside yourself. The unrequited love, not seeing those romantic feelings reflected in the other person’s eyes. The coldness in their hands when they touch you. The disparity between the truth that she yearns for and the truth the world hands her: truth as love, and truth as harsh reality. It's strange that feelings so immense can go unnoticed. Rendered even stranger, perhaps, by the fact that he appears to be similarly reclusive - living in his own shadows, oblivious to her feelings and all that she offers him...

you’re a mess of good intentions gone wrong. you strike a match on yourself to keep others warm, and now the whole goddamn world’s on fire. you try to put it out, and you try so hard. the dam breaks, and the waters of your sorrow pour free. you are sorry; so very, very sorry— and you will drown everyone to prove it.

There is nothing worse than being in love alone Everything is a secret and you cannot cry to anyone Every action that has led me here is of my own doing I just want to be heard…I cry Forcing boundaries and responses I tell myself that now is the time to be free How can i free myself without giving up on us How can i choose me and be selfless enough To love and to hold - all is fair in love and war I burn for you and so I thought How can I extinguish this fire and yet remain calm and warm The more I realise that I have been left standing here The more I realise that there is nothing worse than being here

There are times when we need to talk, Yet the words never come out right. There are times when we need to understand, Yet the silence is always barricaded Things seem to get complicated and confusing, Leaving us to wonder what the other is thinking or feeling. Often we let pride get in the way, And we lose the power and sense to communicate. What was once so beautiful like a rose, Has been tainted by the petals that drop each day. Leaving us holding with the thorns and wondering... "...Whats the beauty that attracted us to this rose initially..." Once upon a time my heart fell in love And it wasn't ordinary everyday, simple love... It was the need you, want you, can't be without you kind of love... I would smile for hours, so thankful that I found you So sure and so positive you were exactly where I was mearnt to be All i now feel are the thorns in this rose... There are times when we need to talk, Yet the words never come out right. There are times when we need to u...

There are times when you find gold, but somehow you manage to trade it for charcoal curiosity might have killed a cat but curiosity has made me lose my gold the acceptance phase comes quick before the self inflicted wound depends so many "if onlys"…and so much blame to escape the part i played in it all knowing full well that your love sees betrayal when all they understand is an eighth of the story you cannot even explain anything that can sink in all you can do is live with the pain the pain of love lost all because of the curiosity that made you lose the gold