Memoirs of my boulevard

In the middle of our conversation, The phone rings..."....grrrrr grrrr..." I can see the smile and calmness in his voice as he answers. This isnot a business call...twice in a day has he had the same call. It might sound like i am a deranged woman. How do you ask someone  and not sound like a mad woman? I am really burning with questions and i cannot seem to get any answers. I ask not as i fear to lose the one thing i have never had. I can see how happy he is, something i can never give him. What if i just pack and never come back? Will that give him the more space and freedom to be happier? I shrug it off and think its a woman's burden, Then i see a stub of the message as we retire to bed, "....goodnight sweetheart..." And that becomes the Sarajevo incident

Theres a city in the valley, encircled by 3 mountains... In there  is the busyness of life, On one cafe there is a woman.... Is it fate that she is there? Every passing moment is a reminder of how everyone is caught up in their own lives... Like rabbits trapped in a snare All crying for help, but who can help another? Everyone is rushing minding their own business, with money on their mind. Every minute counts, to dig up a grave of money. When the sun sets none will remember the sweat  When the sun sets one will remember the smile Remember the woman on the cafe? She is wishing for one stranger to look into her eyes and respond to her cry for help. She is crying out and noone is answering... Can you hear that man who is about to commit suicide The sound of the mind money is louder, nothing else seems to be louder At the end of the day noone will remeber the sweat At the end of the day someone will remember the smile...

How can i live with myself knowing i am the stub in another woman's marriage? The lies and betrayal of this relationship are catching up with me. I surely thought i loved this man. Is this what love really is? The idea of being in another's arm, Knowing that i am not alone as i retire sleep. The idea of having someone whisper in my ears, The idea of eating the forbidden water.... "...stolen waters are sweet..." they say. How do i end this? I am done with this...i tell myself everyday. Each time i try to end it, he gives me a million reasons not to leave, In the way he talks, the touch of his hands and the softness of his lips. He tells he would never leave his wife for me or tell her about me. I am still stupid enough to be with him, no matter how truthful he is. Perhaps its the fear of the unknown, the fear of being alone. I have been down this road before, Different  avenues same destination... "...you protect what you love.." They say. Could he protect me...