The woman at the other end

In the middle of our conversation, The phone rings..."....grrrrr grrrr..."
I can see the smile and calmness in his voice as he answers.
This isnot a business call...twice in a day has he had the same call.
It might sound like i am a deranged woman.
How do you ask someone  and not sound like a mad woman?
I am really burning with questions and i cannot seem to get any answers.
I ask not as i fear to lose the one thing i have never had.
I can see how happy he is, something i can never give him.
What if i just pack and never come back?
Will that give him the more space and freedom to be happier?
I shrug it off and think its a woman's burden,
Then i see a stub of the message as we retire to bed,
"....goodnight sweetheart..." And that becomes the Sarajevo incident