Memoirs of my boulevard

I can feel my heart beating beneath my chest, Why do you scream at me? All I do is my best. My life is a nightmare, only I am awake, Why was it my fault? Where was my mistake? Sometimes it's OK, sometimes you're alright, Sometimes you don't get angry and we won't fight. But when something goes wrong, you never can help, You'll always hurt me again, and you will make me yelp. I give you love, but you don't care. Why do I have to live like this? It just isn't fair. Why is it you bring these tears? Why is it I have to live in fear? I just don't know how to heal these scars, It's like I'm a prisoner and can't break through your bars. Why do you have a hold over me? I feel like I can't leave. One day I will grow strong, one day I will believe. I wish I could do this, My life could be so bliss. Right now I have to stay here, the tears I will hide. I feel like I'm slowly starting to die inside.

 I was living a fantasy This is what i call things fall apart He was my world until i saw a sign Everything started making sense again The messages, the lies I am breaking down again because of him He won't give me answers, but silence I was too quick to think he had changed He fooled me twice, shame on me Another sleepless night...

So gentle you came. Like a whispering breeze, seeking still leaves. Creating night-time shadows... ... of a flock of caged birds inside my head. A whip of your tongue, as if trying to extinguish a flickering candle, Touched the back of my neck; electric tingles rippled down my spine! You expel poisonous words, twisting my mind, like Ophelia I am drowning In a sea of emotions that you hammer home like a wooden stave. Insanity and I are good friends, yet I hate you with all the hate I can muster Even dead flowers have a fragrance! Insanity has tainted me, taken me. I sleep...you call uninvited. You sleep...I cry silent tears of desperation... From the moment I was born, I was heading towards death, Darkness is just a part of that journey, a lonely track heading nowhere! The demons in my mind, sneak up when I least expect it, they don’t play fair They don’t stick to the rules, there are no rules, except ...just another moment of insanity!

I fell for you hard and my feelings are strong Loving you however is all kinds of wrong But I don't mind that our affair has to be hidden I desire you too much to simply let you go Despite my mind screaming to go ahead and do so I can’t get enough and I just have to have you At first it was lust with nothing of real depth Then love poured out of each and every breath A forbidden love is what I have known, A cut so deep that it cannot be sewn. I see the deep sadness in your eyes, The time is approaching to say our goodbyes. I always knew it had to end this way. When you're gone it feels like, My whole world's gone with you I thought love would be my cure But now it's my disease I try to act mature But I'm a baby when you leave, Yet I let you dance into my heart like a classical ballet. I should have kept my feelings hidden, Since we both know this love is forbidden. If only I had destroyed this need, Crushed and killed this loving seed from the beginning. But I burie...

Lovers of pain and comfort, unconditional with puppy dog eyes wide shut Head on my stomach fur coat attired foetal and like old things, worn Moments and memories dispensed a hairs breath between prickles and whiskers tease rubbing the shredded skin of dissociation Thoughts escape, awakened stirred and panting Playful ball sports and eyebrows raise sniffing familiarity Belly rubs and legs splayed assuming the mould from in behind, the scene anticipation hungry for food Dependence in exchange for love money in exchange for lust No flea’s here, no blood, no life-sucking thoughts here comfort wrap fur-lined with licky tongue slobbering kisses of conversation Done and dusted.

"How long will the pain last?" A broken-hearted mourner asked me. "All the rest of your Life," I have to answer truthfully. We never quite forget. No matter how many years pass, we remember. The loss of a loved one is like a major operation. Part of us is removed, and we have a scar For the rest of our lives. As years go by, we manage. There are things to do, people to care for, Tasks that call for full attention. But the pain is still there, not far below the surface. We see a face that looks familiar, Hear a voice that echoes, See a photograph in someone's album, See a landscape that once we saw together, And it seems as though A knife were in the wound again. But not so painfully, And mixed with joy, too, Because remembering a happy time is not all sorrow; It brings back some happiness with it, too. How long will the pain last? "All the rest of your life." But the thing to remember Is that not only will the pain last, But the blessed memories as wel...