Memoirs of my boulevard

They say i am too complicated to understand God knows I cannot even understand myself I have 206 bones in my body and yet i do not understand the physical nature of me How am i then even supposed to understand the complexity of what i cannot see I have spent more years than i can remember trying to understand what makes the emotional being I cannot understand how i feel i do not understand what i love I have embraced my complex nature And yet still its not enough for the world to do the same for me I am not seeking to be understood and yet they try to understand me I am seeking to be loved with my complex nature And yet my complex nature has become my enemy

I lay in my bed and think about you I love you so much I don't know what to do I feel your warmth at my side The pain in my heart moves to my eyes I await the times when we can talk, I await the times we can finally hold hands and walk To feel you for real... so close to me Yet not even this age of social media can replace the feeling of being in your arms There are still no words I can say to describe My heart it aches and my eyes they cry But when we talk my heart flies you always wipe away the tears I cry. Even though you aren't here And I miss you so much my dear I can only count the hours until I am with you again...  

I love how i feel when i am with you...is it wishful thinking that a woman can feel this way forever or say it without being thought as forward...is it wishful thinking that everyday could be like this and not feel anything less than this... Is it possible not to get enough of someone? Or people change after a mile...then you wonder what happened... "It's unfair on yourself and other people sometimes", he said... There is more to love and more to see My heart has jumped out of me and i can see it running with excitement A sugar rush from a candy floss unexpectedly consumed with love I love how i feel when i am with you...Is this what love really is...

What can woman do besides waiting She waits 9 months to be born She waits to grow and blossom Being matches against men of here time And yet she still out matches them in reality Society down plays her, religion sees her as weak She looks at the man of her age She sees them as ants As she knows the vision, strength and ability She see the pain in the eyes of her fellow beings She carries the burdens of her world And yet she is cursed with waiting As she waits to be united with the body from which she was taken from Always tired as she sees herself as the rib She is lost in oblivion as she waits She loses herself as the patience wears out Settling is her pause, as she hears the faint tick of her clock What could she have done besides waiting?

The pain of unresolved feelings, I feel my left hand weakening My body is shutting down I am choking of words As i gasp for each breath It feels like the world is getting smaller How can i be free of these chains? I try to shout it, no one can hear me I try to jump and end this pain What good do i have by putting a pause? Rewind the moments, play the present and pause I lie down here and i pray Hoping when i open my eyes, all will be just a mist All of this will disappear....

We cant get off the phone You say all the right words melting my heart Sending those voice messages to keep the conversation closer to reality For a moment time freezes Seems like its just us against the world My life feels different with you Even i am different, daring and open I see sides of me i never knew I feel love in every word you say I feel love in every word you write Sometimes it seems i have forever with you We fight and after a while we forget why All that is wrapped in a bow of softness of your words Sometimes you push me away, friend zoning me Suggesting how I could be happy with one of your friends Sometimes you confess to being jealous How perfect I would be for you To hold you forever in my arms Everyday i just want to tell you Is it ok, i am falling in love with you? But then i don't want to lose you... So I treasure every word you say Holding onto it, hoping we could be more

How did i let it get this far? We were only meant to be us-fun and games Sleeping in bars one night after the other Drowning ourselves in the oceans of alcohol One thing led to another and flirting was not enough anymore We crossed the line we thought wouldn't cross Here i am waking up with a heartbreak How can i lose what i never had initially? There i am staring in your eyes Hoping that you will tell me the ball game has changed Just to make this feeling of loss  just but that I wish i could assure you that everything will be alright I cannot give you anything more than I already have given you Is this how it feels to be falling in love with someone Someone you know will never love back as much as you do - so you think Come on and take me where you want to go With you it feels surely alright, but when we apart all the doubt creeps in We were never prepared for this Open up your heart a little bit and let me enter Is it too bad to ask for a chance? Perhaps this...