Chaotic fine

Chaos inside
I am everywhere and nowhere.
I am limitless yet tethered
I am willingly losing control
but the fear balances on my edge…
I cannot lose control, again,
and the confusion makes me afraid.
You asked me how I was doing.
Immediately my throat caught and my eyes watered.
I felt lonely.
I was here filling a void in your transition
I felt lost.
But I didn't dare steal your happiness.
Because that's what I thought you were; happy without me.
I felt weak.
I felt strange without anyone to talk to, so I talked to myself and bottled up my feelings.
You didn't listen anymore, or you pretended to and I felt the pretense
But I didn't dare to try to attract your attention.
Because I knew that you wouldn't notice.
So I blinked back the tears.
"I'm fine."